Just some thoughts and stuff

So yeah... Found out a friend killed herself this morning, she was troubled...
Suppose it started out when she was 5 she was diagnosed with diabetes, and 6 months ago she lost her mother.

It's always tragic when a friend passes, specially when it's sudden and depressive related. She took her own life, not yet known how but it was obvious.
I last spoke to her 5 days ago whilst we was planning a friend party at her new flat, so you can see the confusion. Things we're going well and she was beginning to feel better, then it just happened out of nowhere.

I guess I'm writing on here because I classify most of you guys as friends too, and if anything happened would we find out? If I were to pass away tomorrow would you guys even know about it?
There's so much to a person dying so much loss and little gain.
A friend said to me it was her time and that she'd suffered all she could take and it was just a metter of time. I wish I got some more time to spend with her before it happened, but there's just no sign of it, death is just such a sudden thing no matter how prepared you could be.

So I'd just like to appreciate you all, tell you guys that it's fun what we do and I enjoy it ( At times )
But don't worry about me I have many days remaining in this lil' beating heart of mine,, just thought I'd show some love to the guys I spend more time with then actual family, some of you guys ARE indeed my family <3

How a person acts on the outside can be so far from what goes on inside, I'm one of them people that you will never know how i feel because of the "act" i display 24/7 same for alot of people. Suicide is horrible but not as horrible as depression a vile mental disorder. I'm sorry for the lost of your friend man if i died you would all find out through Facebook so no worries there lol.

Vig

so sorry to hear this man.
i have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and the 'school' i go to is for people with mental health problems and though that i have lost a friend who killed herself. it is really horrible and can be confusing. but like vig said its vile to have a mental disorder and with out the right help it is really hard to get though it.

ginge

Good job we got these games to get lost in ehh?

<3 my ginge

sure is

Hindsight is 20/20 Bullet, don't beat yourself up over it. When someone passes, whether it be a self-inflicted death or something out of their control, never, ever internalize it. You can say any day of the week that you should've went with them to that one thing they invited you too. You shouldn't have been too busy to pick them up from the mart, or from their work so they wouldn't have to take the bus. That you shouldn't have been so hard on them that one time for breaking something of yours. Loss is a terrible thing, but it isn't your fault. The thing about depression, is that, we know so little about the brain that we know it is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, but we have no idea how it happens, where it comes from, what triggers it, etc. We speculate, but that's it. You can be perfectly fine one day and then suddenly have a massive chemical dump and all of a sudden be holding a gun in your mouth.

Perfect example: A guy at my church, one of the nicest guys I know. Has depression. One day, at a Vacation Bible School at my church he just goes off the deep end, threatening everyone on the church, threatening the kids, etc. Out of nowhere. He had some things going on, but this was so amazingly out of character you just have to wonder what the hell happened. We know nothing about depression and until we unravel the brain (Which is still one of the biggest and most untouched mysteries in the universe by human standards) we will never know.

Maybe you should've spent more time. Maybe you should've called that one day, complimented more. It is what it is. That most likely didn't affect what happened. Like I said, it could've just been too much. It takes an EXTREME amount of will power to kill yourself. Your brain does not permit you to do that, it's a mechanism in all living beings. Except of course... when the chemicals in the brain are mismatched and not in balance. Nothing you, I, the doctors can do about it. Nothing the scientists can do, nothing the leaders can do. Nothing anyone can do ... yet.

That aside, you know me as I am. I don't internalize anything. When something is on my mind, I say it. When I'm angry, confused, depressed, you'll know. Because I wear it like a patch. I can hold it in if I choose, but I don't. For the sole purpose of it not eating away at me. I actually most of the time feel splendidly wonderful, because I internalize nothing. That's why sometimes when you'll see me around I'm being a hard-ass. Because if I had a tough day, it comes out. I'm not targeting anyone in particular, that's just how I deal with my emotions, I let them out. (If I start railing someone, like in PR for example, please let me know. I've said some terrible things to pubbers recently that I'm still trying to apologize for).

I've always wondered about this issue. If someone died... who would know? I have no close friends in this clan, I don't have any emails, or facebook contacts, or anything. If I were to die today... the only way you could even know, is that I would just suddenly disappear. Now that I think about it.... that's actually quite sad.

-Crenshaw

i had a friend hang himself about 5 weeks ago now still unsure as to why as he was out in town with us the same night and all seemed well. he was found by his sister the next morning.

people have many layers and just because on the outside they can seem ok happy doesnt mean that inside they are not hurting in ways we cannot comprehend.

im sorry to here for ur loss dude keep ur chin up and so many of us are here if u need to talk about anythin

Damn dude gave me chills reading that! My thoughts R with you.

The sad thing is.. The people that want to do it for attention (Not actually mean to do it) will always give hints... but the people that actually want to end their lives give no hints what so ever... they could seem happy one minute and then all of a sudden they're gone.

One story of attention seeking was when i was in school the head of year came into my form and basicly announced that one of the girls in my form had tried taking alot of pills... but she was okay but she wanted the teacher to tell everyone they are okay...

There was a documentary filmed in my town called "Shed your tears and walk away" Its a good watch and I recommend it... Basicly about a filmmaker that used to live here and he returned to find alot of his school friends had ended there own lives and alot of the others were hooked on drink and drugs.

My condolences Bullet. Losing a friend is like losing a family member and as you said, death is such a sudden thing you can't anticipate. But I'm glad to hear that you are strong with this incident and happy to hear you have found a family among us (although I might not be part of it). Keep your mind and heart open and don't give a chance for anything to let you down.

Keep that sparkle of life burning inside your heart. Many years have passed and many more are to follow.

Sorry to hear Bullet, I never had anything like this happen to me, but whenever I think of it, it makes me very sad. I'm impressed by your strength mate.

Yeah tallied up to 2 suicides and 2 accidental deaths now... Still feels strange when it happens though and you never really get used to it. and for the percentage to be 50/50 kinda says something about the environment we find ourselves in and how shitty this world actually is.

My mother did herself in, time does good things with enough of it. Your friend might not have felt she had enough of it, but you do. You'll have brighter times.

If I died in real life I expect you all would grab a plane ticket to come t-bag me.

Bullet2Hart wrote:Yeah tallied up to 2 suicides and 2 accidental deaths now... Still feels strange when it happens though and you never really get used to it. and for the percentage to be 50/50 kinda says something about the environment we find ourselves in and how shitty this world actually is.

You're not supposed to get used to it. Be glad you're not.

-Crenshaw

sad news , and yes we are all here most of the time to escape from the real world and i also see you all as friends / pests .

take care bullet.

Bownty wrote:My mother did herself in, time does good things with enough of it. Your friend might not have felt she had enough of it, but you do. You'll have brighter times.

If I died in real life I expect you all would grab a plane ticket to come t-bag me.

Respect man <3
My mates mum did herself in too, was one of the hardest times I've been through in my school life just trying to support him, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard it was for him. Glad to say he is alot happier these days, and doing very well in school.