Jokes

deadly22sniper wrote:Heh, London Underground and Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin are still the best.

london underground is proper funny also, they have done some near the mark stuff

I saw this could not help but laugh hard.

The sad life of the red shirt

He's got some fk'd up ears him!

Awesome haha, Liam Neeson sure is awesome

HA!

Steven. I make lists all the time.

Just heard that local yobs had torched a Muslim Opticians.

Asif Eyecare!

cracks me up

HAHA H!!! That's f*****g hilarious :')

Never heard my missus swear before today, but when we were going round tesco's today she shouted at me "Your such a f***in lazy c**t!" Well I nearly fell out the trolley!

^^

What do you call a muslim in-between to houses ?

ali?

What do you call a muslim with a slab of meat on his head ?

muHAMmed?

How do you make a muslim blast off ?

give him some sheep to shag?

Push the red button! xD

oh you told me tha oneeeeeeee heheeeeeeee

A finnish, swedish and a norwegian guy get stranded in an island. They all are like "damn I'd do anything to get out of here..." then satan appears and says if you do what I tell you you'll get home now go get a fruit. The norwegian guy comes back with an orange, the devil tells him to stick it up his ass. He does this painfully and crying but after hes done satan sends him back to home. Then the finnish guy comes with a banana on his hand, satan tells him to stick it up his ass, he starts doing this and at the same time laughing like crazy. Satan asks him "why are you laughing?" the finnish guy replies: "I saw the swedish guy get a water melon".

Too fucked up? Oh well...

Hahaha!

Wife looking in the mirror said to her husband "my tits are sagging..my hair is going grey and iam all wrinkly..say something to make me feel better" he replied " your eye sight is excellent...



Essex, the only place in the country where on a sunday morning, the women have a higher sperm count than the man...

LOL ^

A nurse who has worked for the NHS for years decides to resign and travel to the Amazon Rain Forrest to do charity work in a local tribe that that have had no contact with civilisation and modern medicine.

Upon arrival she is greeted by singing and cheering and they bring her to a small arena where the whole tribe is gathered. She is amazed by the clothing and body paint they wear but eventually gathers up the courage to ask the chief to explain why there seem to be so many men with different ammounts of feathers in their head bands.

The chief explains, Man with one Feather has one wife. Man with 2 Feather has one wife and misstress, and so forth.

Not wanting to be rude she remarks that he himself has a whole trail of feathers dangling past his arms to his waist. Yes! he says, '' Me do them all, Big, Fat, Small, Tall ''... OH DEAR she says, .. '' No me no do dear, A**hole too high and F***er run too fast.

Hahaha.

- I was out for a drink last night with the wife and I said "I love you".
She asked me "Is that you talking or the beer talking" I said "Its me... I'm talking to the beer"

- A sandwich walks into a bar and asks the barman for a drink.
The barman says... "Sorry we don't serve food here"

A Monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No I don't, (says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No I have not got any bananas!!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that one more time, Ill nail your tongue to the counter!!
- Do you have any nails?
- No I don't
- Do you have any bananas?

"Give it to me!" she yelled.
"I'm so f*****g wet, give it to me NOW!!!"






























































































She could sream all she wanted... i was keeping the umbrella.

Haha you're damn right Chris. I'm a full supporter of the B.Y.O.U. policy.

First Michael Jackson and now Neil Armstrong.

I see God is not a fan of moon-walkers.

_______________________________________

How will Neil Armstrong's coffin be carried?

Small steps, four men.

_______________________________________


I was speaking to Neil Armstrong the other day, I asked him if he was still buzzing about being the first man on that illustrious planet.

So he told me, 'To be honest lad, I think I'm over the moon now'.


It amazes me how fast people think of these.. xD

Nice.

In other words, our fail paper did this (translation: First man on the earth passed away - Neil Armstrong (82) passed away):



facepalm

That's no Earth!

Yeah, that kind of mistake ruins everything.

I have no idea where to post it, so I'll post it here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leck_mir_den_Arsch_fein_recht_schön_sauber


This is sooo wierd

what the F Stemplus XD

can't think what you put into google to find that, oh wait maybe i can, something you wanna say to the world ?

I'm with speed on this one.. Our should I say: I'm on speed

Okay I'll never make jokes again

I buy all my guns from a guy called Spaatteli..

He's a small arms dealer.

I need that gif vig

Viglen wrote:

Which face expression the person is left with who has Epilepsy after viewing this ^^?







sorry

Oookaaaay!

Let's not post images with that word in it, though? I understand it's meant as a joke and all, but people can still take offense to it.

Lmfao! but I agree with Nixy..

Jay Scott wrote:Lmfao! but I agree with Nixy..

^agreed - removed

After hearing that Bush still didn't know whether he was alive or not, Osama decided to send Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message:

370HSSV 0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it so it went to the CIA, then to NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning, they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help.

MI-6 cabled the White House:

"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."






========================================



A nun sat on train.

A skinhead sits in front of her eating a bag of prawns. He, then, starts spitting the heads at her. The nun picks them up and throws them out the window.

Suddenly, she pulls the emergency stop cord.

The skinhead says, "You stupid bitch! You'll get a $50 fine for that!"

The nun replied, "When I shout rape and the police smell your finger you'll get 10 years."

thats like some sort of old raz mag joke ------why would a skin head be eating whole prawns ? lmfao ! and why would he throw the heads at a nun ? ,, do you still buy raz mags smurv ? retro porn ftw

Only the finest groan-worthy jokes for us I see.